The Great Civilization
by shield-maiden
Summary: What did Apocalypse do with his horsemen when they weren't causing havok? Lecturing on the great civilization that was Egypt.


Disclaimer: I don't own X-men Evo or anything else that may seem unlikely to be owned by a 19-year-old college-going female.

Notes: I just couldn't get one bit out of my head so I ran with it. Be warned, people are out of character and just a little funny.

* * *

Apocalypse stood in front of his four horsemen...horsewomen...horsepeople. 'This is the new millennia,' he reminded himself, ' one must be politically correct at all times to avoid legal persecution. Oh, who cared? He'd just smite all who opposed him anyways.

He looked at the four and smiled. All were obedient, powerful, and above all, wonderful listeners. Apocalypse began to pace in front of them before posing a question. After all, he was here to educate the dumb. "Give me a word, any word, and I'll show you how it was influenced by Egyptian culture."

He glanced about until a hand finally rose. "Yes?...War?"

The wielder of magnetism cleared his throat before asking, "Can I go to the bathroom?"

"May you go to the bathroom," Apocalypse prompted.

Magneto nodded. "May I go to the bathroom?"

"Number one or number two?"

Magneto shifted; a little embarrassed to be treated in such a fashion but when the great Apocalypse asked something of you it was done, because Apocalypse was love. "Number one," he murmured.

"Ah, the Egyptians invented piss." He nodded his permission. Apocalypse noticed Mystique rolling her eyes. "We did!" Apocalypse switched into teacher mode as he continued. "Before we came along nobody went to the bathroom. Liquids went in but they didn't come out and people were bursting from holding it in. So, one day, the pharaoh says, "Go into the bushes and take a piss". The people did and there was much rejoicing."

The lack of applause worried him. "Back to my original question," he snapped, "Give me a word! How about Pyramids, eh? Well, in the beginning there was a three- sided figure. The Egyptians took a look at it and said, "what if we make it 3-D?" So they put the triangles up on their sides and built a pyramid, much like the one we are standing in now."

"How is that a great accomplishment?"

"Think about it," Xavier teased, where would Dungeons and Dragons players be without three sided dice."

"You shut up," Mystique snapped.

"Quiet all of you," Apocalypse commanded. "Now who has another word?"

"Alright," Xavier replied, "How about Action Figures?"

"Action figures, huh?" Apocalypse organized his thoughts for a moment before beginning another rant. "Well, action figures are really just small dolls. The Egyptians mummified people and what must have been one of the first plastic dolls? The classic horror monster 'the Mummy'. Mummies, Action figures...so there you go."

Ororo raised her hand up in the air.

"Yes, Famine?"

"Seeing how I haven't incurred your wrath today Excellency, I was wondering if you might recount the tales of your life in Egypt."

"Teacher's pet," Xavier muttered. But Apocalypse didn't hear him. Instead he smiled at Ororo and patted her on the head. "Oh, I knew you were my favorite horse...woman, person. Since you asked so nicely," he cleared his throat, " I supposed I can indulge you. Gather round." He waved the horsemen of the apocalypse over to some bricks where they could sit down. Magneto was just returning as Apocalypse began his tale.

"In Egypt, the gods smiled down upon their people as they blessed the earth with my arrival. The sun scorched the sand everywhere but the land where I dwelled..."

"NO!" Mystique screeched, covering her ears and closing her eyes. "I can't take it anymore!"

"Pestilence, how many times have I told you to behave yourself," Apocalypse questioned.

"Oooh, you're gonna get it now," Magneto teased.

"You must write an ode to yours truly in Egyptian on that," he pointed, "wall."

"Yes, Apocalypse the wise," Mystique chimed.

Apocalypse once again surveyed his mind-wiped horsemen and smiled before saying, "I believe your young protégés are at the door. Destroy them. If you're lucky I'll continue this tale before bed."

* * *

That's it, the end. Because you all know by now that they're saved from Apocalypse's evil clutches. Go figure. 


End file.
